麥當丑  

Polish Jokes 波蘭笑話集翻譯 (2)

這次的笑話是選自 這個網站 ,以及 這個網站 來翻譯的。
主要是想看笑話練一下英文~
所以如果有錯誤或需要補充的也麻煩大家不吝指導囉!謝謝!

 

1. Turn Signal 方向燈

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.
He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them.

The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."

一個英國人開車載著一個波蘭人,他懷疑他的方向燈感覺好像失靈了,於是就將車子靠路邊停。
他麻煩那個波蘭人幫忙下車看一下車燈,他要測試看看車燈是不是正常的。

波蘭人走下車,站在車子前面。
英國人就打開方向燈,問說:「方向燈是正常嗎?」
波蘭人答道:「是正常的。不,失靈了。正常的。失靈了。正常的。失靈了......」

 

 

2. Three Men 三個旅人

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons.

The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak,
"What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"

三個男人──分別是德國人、美國人,波蘭人──在亞馬遜森林旅行,有一天他們被亞馬遜的部族抓到了。

部落首領對德國人說:「我們對你施以鞭刑時,你想要在背上塗(放)什麼?」
德國人答:「我想要塗油!」
於是他們在他背上塗油,而一個壯碩的亞馬遜人抽打了他十次。
德國人背上留下了大大的鞭痕,他幾乎沒辦法動了。

之後亞馬遜人拖開德國人,換問波蘭人。
「你想要在背上放什麼?」
「我什麼都不放!」波蘭人說,然後他毫不畏懼地站直,被鞭打了10次。

「你想要在背上放什麼?」亞馬遜人問美國人。
他答:「我要在背上放波蘭人!」

 

註:標題其實是三個人,我翻旅人是刻意為了符合笑話內容。

 

 

3. Whore House 妓女戶 (這篇有點18禁唷)

Man goes to a whore house.
The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference.
Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Ploack comes out in five minutes.

"How was it?", says the Madam.
"I don't know," says the Polak, "I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window!"

一個男人走進妓女戶。
老鴇目前沒有能夠給他用的妓女,不過她想說既然那男人是波蘭人,她可以隨便用個充氣娃娃敷衍他,反正波蘭人分不出來。
她以前沒這樣做過,所以有一點緊張。
她在門外等著,過五分鐘後波蘭人走出來了。

「怎麼樣?」老鴇問。「我不知道耶,」波蘭人說:「我咬她奶頭,她就放屁然後從窗口飛出去了!」

 

註:有幾個地方我不太知道該怎麼翻成中文比較順的。
  像out of加名詞是用完什麼或缺少什麼,這邊out of women指目前沒有有空的妓女可以給嫖。
  另外第二句get away可以當脫身用,我這邊想說當作是敷衍過去、得過且過。
  tit (奶頭) 跟fart(放屁) 常常會在美國搞笑電影中聽到。

 

 

4. Jesus 耶穌

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective.
One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian.
Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked,
"Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation
"The Romans killed him."
The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview,
the chief asked the same question.
He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."
Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question.
He thought for a long time, before saying,
"Could I have some time to think about it?"
The chief said "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."

When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked
"How did the interview go?"
He replied,
"Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

三個人應徵一份偵探的工作。
其中,一個是波蘭人,一個是猶太人,一個是義大利人。
老闆不想在面試時問一些標準的問題,只預計各問他們一個問題,並依據他們回答來錄取。

當猶太人來面試時,老闆問:
「誰殺了耶穌基督?」
猶太人想也不想的說:
「是羅馬人殺的。」
老闆就先謝謝他,讓他先離開。

當義大利人來面試時,
老闆又問了同一個問題。
義大利人答:「耶穌是是被猶太人殺的。」
同樣的,老闆謝謝他,讓他先離開。

當波蘭人來面試時,他也被問同樣的問題。
他想了很久,才問說:
「可以給我一些時間想嗎?」
老闆說:「可以,但是明天再來。」

當波蘭人回到家,他老婆問他:
「所以面試結果怎樣?」
他答:
「不錯,我得到那個工作了。而且我已經開始在調查一樁謀殺案!」

 

註:hesitation遲疑。
  電影偶爾會聽到類似"Don't hesitate."之類的話,例如終極警探4跟毀滅戰士。

 

 

 

5. Robotic Bartender 機器人酒保

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130."
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "120."
So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on.
The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."

A third guy came in to the bar.
As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "80."
The robot then said,
"So, how are things in Poland these days?"

一間受歡迎的酒吧裝設了一個新的機器人酒保。

一個人走進酒吧點了酒,機器人問他:「你IQ多少?」
那男人答道:「130。」
於是機器人就開始和那男人聊天文物理等等。
那男人聽得入迷,並覺得:「這真是太酷了!」

另一個男人進來點了酒喝,機器人問他:「你IQ多少?」
男人答道:「120。」
於是機器人就跟他聊超級盃、越野機車等等。
男人心想:「哇,這真是太酷了!」

第三個男人走進酒吧。
跟其他人一樣,機器人也問他:「你IQ多少?」
他答道:「80。」
於是機器人問說:
「最近波蘭有啥新鮮事嗎?」

註:astronomy天文學,astrology占星術,astronaut太空人,astro boy原子小金剛。
  最後一句how are things these days是問最近過得如何之類的,
  不過我中文改寫成比較八卦嘴一點的感覺。

 

6. Road Work 幫馬路漆白線

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.
On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed.

But, the second day he painted just five,
and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.

Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.
The Polak replies,
"Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther
to get back to the paint bucket."

一個波蘭人受聘幫馬路漆白線。
第一天他漆了10哩長,他的雇主相當驚訝。

但是第二天他就只漆了5哩,
而在第三天他整天只漆了1哩。

他雇主相當失望地問他發生什麼問題。
波蘭人回答說:
「呃,老闆,每一天我都要走越來越遠,
 才能回去沾油漆桶。」

 

 

7. New Game Fish 新品種的魚

Did you hear about the new game fish the Illinois Department of Natural Resources is trying to breed?

They took a Coho and crossed it with a Walleye.
They called it a Kowal.
It had great taste, and fought like hell, but wasn't very large.

So they crossed it with a Muskie, and called it a Kowalski.
It has the best of everything: it fights hard, it tastes great, and it grows up to 50 inches.
The only problem is they're having trouble teaching to swim!

你有聽說過伊利諾自然資源處正試著飼育的新品種垂釣魚嗎?

他們用銀鱒和鼓眼魚配種。
新品種魚叫Kowal。
不但味美、也不容易被釣到,只是不夠大隻。

於是他們又再跟Muskie這種魚配種,並稱為Kowalski。
各項都很完美了:難釣、好吃、而且可以長到50吋長。
唯一的問題是牠們很難學會游泳。

註:這篇是惡搞波蘭人的姓(雖然我覺得是不夠酸啦)。
  標題game fish是可供愛釣魚的人釣的魚,休閒垂釣用的。
  所以fights hard我是覺得應該是很會掙扎,所以釣魚的趣味及技巧性也高得多。
  我是覺得標題那要命名太長了乾脆縮短直接叫新品種的魚。
  Muskie是一種很大隻的魚,我去查有的說是梭子魚,但我不是很確定。
  cross也可以當配種用。

 

 

8. Polish Vodka 波蘭伏特加

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka.
As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks,
"That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka.
Since I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."

To which the first replies,
"Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks,
"What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other.
"This is weird," says the first,
"I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."

After the new round arrives, the first asks,
"So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?"
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other,
"I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot."

But the bartender says,
"Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."

The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home.
When she inquires as to the cause, he replies,
"Oh, the friggin' Gradowski twins are here again."

一個男人走進酒吧,叫了杯波蘭伏特加。
當酒保將酒滑給那客人時,另一個男人坐在那客人旁,說:
「真巧。我也喜歡波蘭伏特加。
 當我從那故國來這兒時,只有找到這間酒吧有賣那種酒。」

第一個男人答:
「你的故國?我也是從那波蘭來的。讓我請你一杯!」
當他們喝完那杯酒,其中一人又問:
「你是波蘭哪裡人?」
「克拉科夫。」另一人答。
「真奇了,」第一個人說:
「我也是從克拉科夫來的!我們再來一杯吧。」

又喝完了一輪,第一個人又問:
「那麼,老兄你之前在克拉科夫是做什麼的?」
「也沒做什麼,其實。我高中畢業就來這兒了。我1981年從Lech Walesa技術學院畢業。」
「怪了,」另一個答:
「我也是Walesa技術學院,81級的。我們再來一杯吧。」

但酒保說:
「等等,夥計們,我要先打個電話。」

酒保打給他老婆,並告訴她他會晚點回家。
她問他為什麼,他答:
「喔,他媽的Gradowski雙胞胎又來這邊喝了。」

 

註:電影裡面老外喝酒常聽到的字包括shot、round都是再喝一杯、再喝一輪的意思。
  frigging是口語話的「他媽的」。
  old country是指故國、故土,尤其是移民說他們以前國家的時候可以用。

 

 

9. Firing Squad 行刑隊

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak,
are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.

They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole.
He points and shouts, "Tornado!"
They all look and the American runs away.

Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad.
He yells "Earthquake!"
They all hit the dust and the German escapes.

Next up is the Polak.
He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

有三個犯人──美國人,德國人,和波蘭人。
他們將要被行刑隊處死。

他們先帶上美國人,讓他站在柱子前面。
美國人忽然指著大喊:「龍捲風!」
行刑隊全轉頭看,美國人便趁機逃走了。

接著他們將德國人放在柱子前。
他大叫:「地震!」
他們急趴在地上,德國人就逃了。

接下來是波蘭人。
他看著四周並大叫:「火災!」(開槍!)

註:這篇結尾用中文完全沒辦法表達他意境......。
  原本想喊火災但是fire也是開槍的意思。

 

 

10. Phone Call 打電話

Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions.
Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Polish.

So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss.
So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD,
then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros
on fact that Itlaian is less developed than that of USA.

LASTLY the Polish man made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent.
Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fairand the devil responded to them.

"The Polish call was a local call whereas your was an International call."

三個男人想要從地獄打電話給他們親戚,告訴他們地獄嚴酷的情形。
他們分別是美國人,義大利人,和波蘭人。

所以他們就去找惡魔老大。
美國人打完電話後,惡魔收他100美金。
義大利人打完電話,惡魔收他10歐元,因為義大利實際上不像美國發展這麼成熟。

最後波蘭人打完電話,惡魔卻只要他付一分錢。
美國人跟義大利人都抱怨為什麼惡魔對他們這麼不公平。

「因為波蘭人打的是本地電話,你們都是打國際電話!」

 

 

 

11. 眼科

A Polack goes to the eye doctor.
The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.

The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy." 

一個波蘭人去看眼科醫生。
在量視力的圖最下面一行字是:
CZYNQSTASZ

驗光師問說:「你能看到下面這行嗎?」
「下面這行?」波蘭人答道:「我認識他啊!」


註:這篇也是在酸波蘭人的名字又臭又長又難唸。
  最後那句read it?我不直翻,把他改成中文比較順的句子比較有fu。

 

 

12. 講笑話

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
He says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"

The bartender says,
"Tell you what.... I'm Polish.
See those two big guys playing pool? They're Polish.
See those other two guys sitting at the end of the bar? They're Polish.
You still want to tell your "Polack" joke?"

The man replies,
"Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."

有個人走進酒吧坐下,點了杯啤酒。
他跟酒保說:「嘿,想聽個波蘭笑話嗎?」

酒保說:
「你知道嗎?我是波蘭人。
 看到在那打撞球的兩個大個子嗎?他們是波蘭人。
 看到坐在吧檯那端的兩個人嗎?他們是波蘭人。
 你現在還想講你的『波蘭』笑話嗎?」

男人回答說:
「如果你們要我他媽的解釋笑點五次的話我就不想講囉!」

 

 

13. 科學家

Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans.

The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water.

Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak.
"Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun."
This, of course was met with much ridicule.
They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat.
"Simple, we're going at night!"

波蘭派了他們最頂尖的科學家團隊出席一場國際的科學會議,世界上所有國家都在會議中比較他們的科學成就和計畫。

科學家們聽美國人說他們在癌症治療又進了一大步,俄國人則是打算要派太空船去土星,以及德國人打算要發明水上能開的車。

然後輪到波蘭科學家講了。
「唔,我們正準備要派出太空船登陸太陽。」
而這句話當然受到眾人嘲笑。
他們問波蘭科學家說太陽很熱要怎麼辦?
「簡單,我們晚上才過去。」


註:當初這笑話就是上課時聽孫維新老師講的!我自己覺得孫老師講的版本更好笑。

 

 

14. 鑰匙反鎖在車子裡

Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Q: 你知道那波蘭人不小心把鑰匙反鎖在車裡嗎?
A: 他要用衣架把車門鎖拉開才能把車裡的家人救出來。

 

註:以前車門的鎖是可以用衣架勾開的,小時候看我爸做過(當然是我們家自己的車XD)。

 

 

15. 十點了

In America, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?"

In England, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your wife is?"

In France, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your husband is?"

In Poland, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?"

在美國他們說:
「現在晚間十點,您的孩子在哪裡?」

在英國他們說:
「現在晚間十點,您的老婆在哪裡?」

在法國他們說:
「現在晚間十點,您的丈夫在哪裡?」

在波蘭他們說:
「現在晚間十點,您知道現在幾點?」

 

註:那種晚上廣播會問的標語XD

 

 

16. 性生活

A Polack went to the doctor and asked him for advice
on how to improve his sex life.

The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days.
Then call him.

A week later, the Polack telephoned.

"Well," asked the doctor, "has jogging improved your sex life?"
"I don't know," said the Polack. "I'm seventy miles from home."

一個波蘭人去看醫生,希望醫生能告訴他一些建議來增進他的性生活。

醫生告訴他,每天慢跑10哩,跑七天。
要他七天後再打電話。

一週後,波蘭人打給醫生了。

「那麼,」醫生問:「慢跑有增進你的性生活了嗎?」
「不知道耶,」波蘭人說:「我現在離家70哩了。」

 

 

 

17. 痛

A woman went to see a doctor. "Doctor, I'm in terrible pain."
"Show me where," the doctor said.

The woman put her fingers on her arm, "ohhh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her chest, "Argggh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her stomach, "Owww, right there."

The doctor looked at her, "You're not by any chance Polish, are you?"
"Why, yes," she replied. "Why?"

"You've got a broken finger."

 一個女人去看醫生:「醫生,我現在好痛。」
「哪邊痛?指給我看。」醫生說。

那女人手指指在她手臂上:「喔喔喔,這邊!」
然後她又把手指觸向她胸口:「啊啊啊,這邊!」
接著她又將手指觸向肚子:「喔嗚嗚,這邊!」

醫生看著她:「妳應該不是波蘭人吧?是嗎?」
「咦,是啊,」她答:「怎麼了嗎?」

「妳是手指頭骨折。」

 

 

18. 尿與精液 (這篇也有點色喔)

Why did god make urine yellow and semen white?
So Poles could tell if they were coming or going...

為什麼上帝要讓尿是黃色、精液是白色的?
這樣波蘭人才知道他們是尿出來了還是射出來了

註:coming是口語比較粗俗的用法,表示性高潮。

 

 

19. 玻璃船底

Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats?
A: To see to the old Polish navy.

Q: 為什麼波蘭海軍新的船用玻璃做船底?
A: 為了看見波蘭老兵。

 

 

20. 戴綠帽

This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat,
took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!"

What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.
Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head.
His wife started laughing.
"Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

有一天波蘭人工作完回家,掛好外套,
拿掉帽子後走到臥房大叫:「親愛的我回家囉!」

沒想到他竟看見他最好的朋友跟他老婆躺在床上。
他勃然大怒,衝去拿出廚櫃的槍,然後指著自己的頭。
他的老婆開始大笑。
「不要笑!」波蘭人大叫:「妳是下一個!」

 

註:這笑話的哏也有金髮女的版本XD
  infuriate是觸怒;有個相關的字furious是狂怒的。
  玩命關頭英文片名就是the fast and the furious。

 

 

21. 木工

 

A Polak went to a carpenter and said,
"Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"

 

"Hmm..." mused the carpenter.
"It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"

"Well, you see," said the Polak,
"My neighbor moved away and forgot some things,
so he asked me to send him his garden hose."

一個波蘭人去找木工,說:
「可以幫我造一個箱子,高2吋、寬2吋,長50呎嗎?」

「嗯......」木工沉思著:
「要做是可以,我猜啦。但是你要做這種箱子要幹嘛?」

「嗯,你知道嗎,」波蘭人說:
「我的鄰居搬家了,但是有東西忘記拿走,
 所以他叫我幫他把花園裡的水管寄給他。」

 

註:hose就是常見的那種水管。
  muse是沉思、冥想;Muse就是希臘神話裡的女神謬思。

 

 

22. 教皇

A traveling salesman has an audience with the Pope and,
not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke...

"Have you heard the one about the two Polish priests, Holy Father?"
"But I AM Polish, my son." 

There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ...
"That's OK, Holy Father, I'll tell you it slowly."

一個業務員要覲見教皇,
但是他不清楚要說什麼,於是想要講個笑話來破冰。

「您聽過兩個波蘭神父的笑話嗎,聖父?」
「但我就是波蘭人,我的孩子。」

經過一段意味深長的停頓後,業務員很快的思考並說:
「沒關係,聖父,我會講慢一點的。」

 

註:pregnant除了當懷孕之外,也可以當意味深長的、豐富的(例如想像力豐富)。

 

 

23. 海葬

A Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died.
Five sailors died digging his grave.

一位波蘭海軍上將希望死後能夠海葬。
五個士兵死於為上將挖墳。

 

 

24. 猜猜幾隻魚

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.
He ran into one of his friends, who asked,
"Hey! What do you have in the bag?"

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.
His friend says,
"Well, I'll make you a bet.
If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."

The man says,
"I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag,
I'll give you both of them."

一個波蘭人拿著牛皮紙袋走在街上。
他碰到他一個朋友,他朋友問說:
「嘿,你袋子裡是什麼?」

波蘭人告訴他朋友說裡面有一些魚。
他朋友說:
「啊,那我跟你打個賭。
 如果我猜中你袋子裡有幾隻魚,你就送我一隻。」

波蘭人說:
「不然這樣吧!如果你猜中我袋子裡有幾隻魚,
 我就把裡面這兩隻魚都送給你。」

 

 

 

25. 大賣場停電

In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage.
People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

波蘭最大的大賣場有一天停電了。
人們被困在電扶梯上長達四個小時。

註:power outage 電力中斷、停電;也可用 power failure。

 

(待續)

 

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  • Felis
  • 好酸XDDDD

    p.s.第6個笑話 第二天應該是漆了5哩
  • 啊啊~~~手誤XDDD
    謝謝囉!!!

    belleaya (愛) 於 2013/06/06 12:44 回覆