B E L L E A Y A 雜七雜八創作小窩

Polish Jokes 波蘭笑話集翻譯 (4)

這次挑選的笑話選自 這個網站 、 這個網站 和 這個網站 。

(1) 壕溝戰

The Polish were entrenched on the front opposite the Germans during one of the battles of WWII.
As hard as they tried, the Germans couldn't hit any of the Polish soldiers
because they kept low in the ditches.

Finally one of the Germans hit upon an idea.
"Hey Krachevski, is that you?" he yelled at the Polish trench.
Krachevski stood up in his trench and said,
"Yeah, it's me!" and was immediately shot by the Germans.

The Polish soldiers pondered this over and decided that it was a good idea.
"Is that you, Wilhelm?" one of the Polish soldiers yelled to the German trench.
"Yeah, it's me Markowski," replied one of the German soldiers. "Why don't you come over here?"
"OK, I'm coming..."

二戰時期的一場戰爭中，波蘭人挖了壕溝，與前方的德軍對峙著。
無論德軍怎麼攻擊，都沒辦法打到半個波蘭人，
因為波蘭人都蹲得低低的躲在壕溝中。

最後一個德國人想到個點子。
「嗨，克蘭雪夫斯基，是你在那兒嗎？」他對著波蘭人的壕溝喊。
有個叫克蘭雪夫斯基的就站起來然後說：
「對呀，是我！」然後就瞬間被德軍一槍打死。

波蘭軍人沉思了好一會兒，決定也用這個好點子一試。
「是你在那兒嗎，維漢姆？」一個波蘭士兵對德軍壕溝大叫。
「對呀，是我啊，馬可夫斯基！」一個德國兵說：「你何不來這邊一下？」
「好啊，那我過去囉。」

註：這個也是孫維新老師上課講過的！老師講的好笑得多，原版感覺就還好。

(2) 單手波蘭人

Q: How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: 你怎麼讓一個只有一隻手的波蘭人從樹上下來？
A: 朝他揮手。

(3) 試驗

Q: Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?
A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.

Q: 你有聽說一個波蘭人苦讀了整整五天嗎？
A: 嗯，他在準備要做尿液試驗。

註：這個看原文比較好笑。

(4) 火箭

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program?
A: Development of a working match.

Q: 波蘭人的太空計畫為什麼耽擱了？
A: 他們還在想辦法發明不會熄滅的火柴。

(5) 波蘭的狗

Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.

Q: 為什麼波蘭的狗鼻子很扁？
A: 因為他們追停在路邊的車。

(6) 波蘭國家圖書館

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

Q: 波蘭國家圖書館發生什麼事了？
A:  有人把圖書館裡唯一的書偷了。

註：這篇笑點還是看原文比較好笑......因為the book用單數。

(7) 限高

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass.
A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'."

So they get out, measure their truck,
and realize that it's 11"6'.

So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says,
"I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"

兩個波蘭的卡車司機一路疾駛，當他們要通過一座高架橋下時，
有個標誌寫著：「限高，11呎2吋。」

於是他們走下車，量了一下卡車，
發現他們卡車高11呎6吋。

第一個波蘭人看著另一個，說：
「我沒看到有警察在附近......我們直接開過去吧！」

(8) 入獄願望

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Pole were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison.
However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said,
"I am going to lock you away for five years,
but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you up."

The Englishman says,
"I'll have five years' supply of beer!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.

The Frenchman says,
"I'll have five years' supply of brandy!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.

The Pole says,
"I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.

Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners.
First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk.
Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather inebriated.
Then, they release the Pole, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"

一個英國人、一個法國人、跟一個波蘭人被德國人抓了關入大牢。
然而，守衛對他們很好，跟他們說：
「我將要把你們關在這兒五年，
　不過在把你們關進去前，我會答應給你們想要的任何東西。」

英國人說：
「我想要五年份的啤酒！」
他的願望被答應了，他們將他和他的啤酒一併關起來。

法國人說：
「我想要五年份的白蘭地！」
他的願望也被答應了，他們將他和他的白蘭地一併關起來。

波蘭人說：
「我想要五年份的香菸！」
他的願望被答應了，他們將他和他的菸一併關起來。

五年過去，德國人將他們的人犯放出來。
首先，他們放了英國人，他醉得搖搖晃晃地走出來。
然後，他們放了法國人，他喝得更醉地搖晃出來。
接著，他們放了波蘭人，他出來後問說：「你們誰能幫我點個菸？」

(9) 斷頭台

An Italian, an American, and a Pole were captured by the French
for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine.

The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words.
The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live."
They drop the blade, and it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck.
Amazed, the French let him go.

Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words.
He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy."
They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck.
In disbelief, they let him go free.

Then the Pole is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words.
He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope."

一個義大利人、一個美國人、跟一個波蘭人被法國人抓到，
並因為他們的眾多罪狀而將被帶上斷頭台處死。

處刑人將義大利人放在斷頭台的木塊上，問他有什麼遺言。
義大利人回答：「我祈求聖母瑪麗讓我能活下去。」
他們放了斷頭刀，而刀子在離義大利人脖子不到一吋的地方停住了。
因為覺得太神奇了，法國人就讓他走了。

接著，美國人也被放上並被問有什麼遺言。
他答：「以耶穌基督之名，請憐憫我。」
他們放下斷頭刀，而刀子再次停在離美國人脖子一吋的地方。
雖然不可置信，他們還是放他走了。

然後波蘭人也被放在斷頭台木頭上，他們問他有什麼遺言。
他說：「有。你們的繩子上纏了一個節。」

註：Guillotine 斷頭台

(10) 小孩看見了

A 12-year-old boy comes up to the Polish man and says,
"I was looking in your bedroom window last night
and I saw you and your wife doing it. Nyah, nyah, nyah!"

The Pole answers,
"The joke's on you kid, Nyah, nyah,nyah!
I wasn't even home last night."

一個12歲的小男孩去跟波蘭人說：
「我昨天晚上看著你家臥房的窗戶，
　然後看到你跟你老婆在做愛做的事。口桀！口桀！口桀！」

波蘭人答道：
「你這小鬼自己鬧笑話了！口桀！口桀！口桀！
　我昨天晚上根本不在家！」

(11) 雙層巴士

Two Polish bowling teams charter a double-decker bus
to go to Atlantic City for the weekend.
One team is in the bottom of the bus,
and the other team is in the top of the bus.

The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top.

He walks up the stairs,
and here are all the guys from the second team clutching the seats in front of them
with white knuckles, scared ot death.

He says,
"What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time."
One of the guys from the second team says,
"Yeah, but you guys've got a driver."

兩個波蘭保齡球隊租了一台雙層巴士，
要去大西洋城渡過週末假期。
其中一隊坐巴士下層，
另一隊坐巴士上層。

下層那隊其中一人發現上層的人都沒聲音，他們朝上叫了幾聲。

然後那人走上樓梯，
看到上層所有人都抓著他們前座椅子，
關節都抓到翻白了，怕得半死。

他問說：
「你們再搞什麼鬼？我們在下層過得很開心耶。」
上層其中一人說：
「對，因為你們有司機啊！」

註：最後一句我做了點修改，把「但是」改成「因為」中文比較順一點。
　　double-decker bus 雙層巴士。

(12) 量竿子

An American is walking down the street
when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick.
He's standing the pole on its end
and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.

Seeing the Polak's ignorance,
the American wrenches the pole out of his hand,
lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick,
and says, "There! 10 feet long."

The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts,
"You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"

有個美國人走在街上
看到一個波蘭人拿了長竿子和碼尺。
他把竿子立起來
試著用碼尺量到竿子的頂端。

看到波蘭人的蠢樣，
美國人把竿子從他手上搶來
將它放在人行道上用碼尺量，
然後說：「拿去，這一共10呎長。」

波蘭人抓住尺然後大叫：
「你這白癡老美！我才不管它多長，我是要知道它多高！」

(13) 獵熊

Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting.
They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT"
so they went home.

兩個波蘭獵人開車行經鄉下要去獵熊。
他們到了一個岔路口，有個牌子寫著：「獵熊請左轉。」（Bear left亦有”熊都離開了”意思）
於是他們就回家了。

註：left的哏在美式笑話還蠻常見的。可以當「左」，也可以當「離開」的過去式用。

(14) 穿過沙漠

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert
when they suddenly ran out of gas.
They all decided to start walking to the nearest town to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening
when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him.
The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water,
so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said,
"Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that
since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him
with a loaf of bread in his hand.
"What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that
since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally the Polak appeared, dragging a car door through the sand.
More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"
"Well," said the Polak, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

一個波蘭人、一個黑人、一個白人開車經過沙漠，
忽然他們發現沒油了。
他們決定走路到最近的城鎮求援。

而那天傍晚，一個農場主人坐在前廊，
看見地平線那端，那個白人朝他走來。
那個農場主人注意到那白人拿著一罐水，
於是當那白人近到可以聽見他聲音時，農場主人說：
「嗨，那位仁兄，你拿著一罐水穿越沙漠要做什麼？」
白人解釋他的處境，並說明說
他們還有很長一段路要走，可能會渴所以他要帶水。

過一會兒，農場主人注意到黑人朝他走來，
拿著一條麵包在手上。
「你在做什麼？」農場主人再次問道。
像之前一樣，黑人解釋他的情形，然後說，
因為他們還要走很長一段路，他可能會餓所以要拿麵包。

最後波蘭人出現，在沙子上拖著車門走。
農場主人更好奇地問：「嘿，你為什麼要拖著車門？」
「喔，」波蘭人說：「我還有好一段路要走，所以如果太熱的話，我可以把車窗打開。」

註：loaf 是用在麵包的量詞 (一條或一塊)。

(15) 波蘭新發明

Did you hear about the latest Polish invention?
It's a solar-powered flashlight.

你知道波蘭人最新的發明嗎？
是個太陽能手電筒！

註：solar是太陽光，神奇寶貝草系的招式太陽光束就是solar beam (日文ソーラービーム)。

(待續)