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Polish Jokes 波蘭笑話集翻譯 (6)

這次的好幾篇都好賤
根本是直接人身攻擊的程度了XDDD
這次的笑話選自 這個網站這個網站這個網站

 

(1)

Q: How do you stop a Polish tank?
A: Shoot the guys pushing it.

Q: 要怎麼讓一台波蘭坦克車停下來?
A: 射死後面推車的人。

 

(2)

There was this Polish woman who just delivered a baby.  
Her doctor came into her room
and saw her with a bag of ice in between her breasts.
Her doctor asks how come?
She says, "that's to keep the milk fresh."

一個波蘭女人剛生了小孩。
她的醫生來到她房間
然後看到她拿一袋冰塊放在她乳房之間。
她醫生問她為什麼要放冰塊?
她說:「要讓母奶保鮮。」

 

(3)

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a Polish funeral?
A: A garbage can only has two handles.

Q: 為什麼波蘭的喪禮只需要兩個人抬棺?
A: 垃圾桶只有兩個把手。

註:pallbearers 抬棺人

 

 

(4)

Q: How do you know when a Pollack has been in your back yard?
A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.

Q: 要怎麼知道一個波蘭人在你的後院?
A: 你家的垃圾不見了,而你養的狗懷孕了。

 

(5)

Q: Why don't Polish women breast-feed their babies?
A: It hurts too much when they boil the nipples.

Q: 為什麼波蘭女人不直接讓她們的嬰兒吸母奶?
A: 因為加熱母奶的時候奶頭太痛了。

 

(6)

Q: How does a polack take a shower?
A: Pee's in the wind.

Q: 波蘭人怎麼淋浴?
A: 在風中尿尿。

 

 

(7)

Q: How do you make a pollock crazy?
A: Stick him a round room and tell him to piss in a corner!

Q: 要怎麼讓一個波蘭人發瘋?
A: 把他關在圓形的房間,然後要他在角落尿尿。

 

 

(8)

A Pollack walked into a bar and sat down at the bar, where a news report was on TV.
On the news a man was on a ledge outside an upper floor of a building threatening to jump.

The bartender, who'd seen the news report before said,
"I'll bet you $50 he's going to jump."
The Pollack took the bet and put down a $50 bill on the bar.
Then the man on the ledge jumped to his death.

The bartender picked up the $50 bill but then, realizing that he'd taken advantage of a poor, dumb Pollack,
his conscience got the better of him and he said,
"Look, I'm going to give you back your money. I have to confess that I saw that news report before."
"That's O.K.," said the Pollack, "I saw it before too, but I didn't think he was gonna do it again!"

一個波蘭人進了酒吧並在吧檯前坐下,而電視上正在播著新聞。
新聞中是一個男子站在高樓的窗臺威脅要跳樓。

酒保已經看過這則新聞,就說:
「我跟你打賭五十元,那男的會跳。」
波蘭人就跟他賭,放了五十元在吧檯上。
然後那個窗臺上的男子真的跳樓死了。

酒保拿了那五十元,但想說他其實是在佔那個可憐的笨波蘭人便宜,
他還是受不了良心的譴責,便說:
「嘿,我要把錢還給你。我要承認我之前已經看過這新聞了。」
「沒關係,」波蘭人說:「我也看過了,但是我沒想到那男的會再跳一次!」

註:his conscience got the better of him 這句我改成中文比較ok的說法。

 

(9)

The first Polish spacecraft was put into orbit with two astronauts.
One of them took a space walk to repair something on the exterior of the spacecraft.
When he was done he knocked on the airlock's inner door.
And the other Pollack asked, "Who's there?"

波蘭的第一架太空船進入太空軌道,上面有兩個太空人。
其中一個在太空中飄浮著維修太空船的外部。
當他修好後他敲了敲太空船氣艙的內門。
另一個波蘭人問道:「誰在敲門?」

 

 

(10)

Q: Why are Pollacks the only ones who eat shit?
A: They're the only ones who know how to cook it.

Q: 為什麼只有波蘭人吃大便?
A: 因為他們是唯一知道怎麼烹調大便的。

註:讓我想到 這個新聞 XD

 

(11)

Q: Why do they they throw shit on the walls at a Polish wedding?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: 為什麼波蘭人要在婚禮時把大便丟在牆上?
A: 為了讓新娘身上的蒼蠅飛走。

 

(12)

Q: What does a Pollack use to clean salad bowls?
A: A bowl brush.

Q: 波蘭人要怎麼洗碗?
A: 用馬桶刷。

註:這是英文雙關,bowl是碗,但bowl brush不是碗刷而是馬桶刷的意思。

 

 

(13)

Did you hear of the polac who was told to blow up a car?
He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

你有聽說被叫去幫車子打氣的波蘭人嗎?
他在吹排氣管的時候燙傷嘴巴。

 

 

(14)

Q: What's the biggest problem of Polish dump operators?
A: Shoplifting.

Q: 波蘭的垃圾掩埋場最大的困擾是什麼?
A: 垃圾會被偷。

 

(15)

A ventriloquist had just finished his Pollack joke routine
when a huge, drunk Pollack confronted him,
"I'm sick of your Pollack jokes and I'm going to knock the shit out of you."
"I'm sorry, it was all in good fun, " replied the comedian.
The Pollack retorted, "I was talking to little asshole on your knee."

一個腹語娃娃師在例行表演講波蘭笑話之後,
碰上一個高大、醉醺醺的波蘭人。
「我受夠了你的波蘭笑話,我要好好扁你一頓。」
「抱歉,我純粹是為了娛樂效果而已。」那個腹語諧星答道。
波蘭人回嘴說:「我是在跟你膝蓋上那個小渾球說話!」

 

 

(16)

A Pollack walked into a bar with dogshit in his hand and said to the bartender,
"Look what I almost stepped it!"

一個波蘭人跑進酒吧,手上抓著狗大便,對酒保說:
「看我剛剛差點踩到什麼!」

 

 

(17)

A Pollack walked in to a pizza place and ordered a pizza.
The pizza man asked him, "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight?"
And the Pollack answered, "Cut it into six; I couldn't eat eight."

一個波蘭人到披薩店點了一塊披薩。
店員問他:「請問要切成六片還是八片呢?」
波蘭人回答:「切六片吧!八片我吃不下。」

 

 

(18)

Q: Have you heard about the Polish cocktail?
A: Perrier and water.

Q: 你知道波蘭的雞尾酒怎做的嗎?
A: 沛綠雅氣泡礦泉水和水。

 

 

(19)

Q: What's the most popular Polish fast-food restaurant?
A: Booger King.

Q: 波蘭最知名的速食餐廳是什麼?A: 鼻屎王。

 

 

(20)

Q: Why do Polish airplanes fly so low?
A: So the pilots can read the street signs.

Q: 為什麼波蘭的客機飛這麼低?
A: 這樣機師才能看見路標。

 

 

(待續)

 

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