Polish Jokes 波蘭笑話集翻譯 (2)
1. Turn Signal 方向燈
An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.
He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them.
The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.
The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
2. Three Men 三個旅人
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons.
The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak,
"What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"
3. Whore House 妓女戶 (這篇有點18禁唷)
Man goes to a whore house.
The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference.
Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Ploack comes out in five minutes.
"How was it?", says the Madam.
"I don't know," says the Polak, "I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window!"
像out of加名詞是用完什麼或缺少什麼，這邊out of women指目前沒有有空的妓女可以給嫖。
tit (奶頭) 跟fart(放屁) 常常會在美國搞笑電影中聽到。
4. Jesus 耶穌
Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective.
One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian.
Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked,
"Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation
"The Romans killed him."
The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview,
the chief asked the same question.
He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."
Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question.
He thought for a long time, before saying,
"Could I have some time to think about it?"
The chief said "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."
When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked
"How did the interview go?"
"Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"
5. Robotic Bartender 機器人酒保
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.
A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130."
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "120."
So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on.
The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar.
As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "80."
The robot then said,
"So, how are things in Poland these days?"
最後一句how are things these days是問最近過得如何之類的，
6. Road Work 幫馬路漆白線
A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.
On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed.
But, the second day he painted just five,
and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.
Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.
The Polak replies,
"Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther
to get back to the paint bucket."
7. New Game Fish 新品種的魚
Did you hear about the new game fish the Illinois Department of Natural Resources is trying to breed?
They took a Coho and crossed it with a Walleye.
They called it a Kowal.
It had great taste, and fought like hell, but wasn't very large.
So they crossed it with a Muskie, and called it a Kowalski.
It has the best of everything: it fights hard, it tastes great, and it grows up to 50 inches.
The only problem is they're having trouble teaching to swim!
8. Polish Vodka 波蘭伏特加
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka.
As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks,
"That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka.
Since I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies,
"Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks,
"What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other.
"This is weird," says the first,
"I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks,
"So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?"
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other,
"I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot."
But the bartender says,
"Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home.
When she inquires as to the cause, he replies,
"Oh, the friggin' Gradowski twins are here again."
9. Firing Squad 行刑隊
Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Polak,
are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.
They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole.
He points and shouts, "Tornado!"
They all look and the American runs away.
Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad.
He yells "Earthquake!"
They all hit the dust and the German escapes.
Next up is the Polak.
He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
10. Phone Call 打電話
Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions.
Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Polish.
So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss.
So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD,
then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros
on fact that Itlaian is less developed than that of USA.
LASTLY the Polish man made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent.
Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fairand the devil responded to them.
"The Polish call was a local call whereas your was an International call."
A Polack goes to the eye doctor.
The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
He says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"
The bartender says,
"Tell you what.... I'm Polish.
See those two big guys playing pool? They're Polish.
See those other two guys sitting at the end of the bar? They're Polish.
You still want to tell your "Polack" joke?"
The man replies,
"Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."
Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans.
The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water.
Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak.
"Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun."
This, of course was met with much ridicule.
They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat.
"Simple, we're going at night!"
Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
In America, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your children are?"
In England, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your wife is?"
In France, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know where your husband is?"
In Poland, they say,
"It's 10:00 - Do you know what time it is?"
A Polack went to the doctor and asked him for advice
on how to improve his sex life.
The doctor told him to jog ten miles a day, for seven days.
Then call him.
A week later, the Polack telephoned.
"Well," asked the doctor, "has jogging improved your sex life?"
"I don't know," said the Polack. "I'm seventy miles from home."
A woman went to see a doctor. "Doctor, I'm in terrible pain."
"Show me where," the doctor said.
The woman put her fingers on her arm, "ohhh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her chest, "Argggh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her stomach, "Owww, right there."
The doctor looked at her, "You're not by any chance Polish, are you?"
"Why, yes," she replied. "Why?"
"You've got a broken finger."
18. 尿與精液 (這篇也有點色喔)
Why did god make urine yellow and semen white?
So Poles could tell if they were coming or going...
Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats?
A: To see to the old Polish navy.
This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat,
took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!"
What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.
Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head.
His wife started laughing.
"Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"
玩命關頭英文片名就是the fast and the furious。
A Polak went to a carpenter and said,
"Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter.
"It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the Polak,
"My neighbor moved away and forgot some things,
so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
A traveling salesman has an audience with the Pope and,
not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke...
"Have you heard the one about the two Polish priests, Holy Father?"
"But I AM Polish, my son."
There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ...
"That's OK, Holy Father, I'll tell you it slowly."
A Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died.
Five sailors died digging his grave.
A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.
He ran into one of his friends, who asked,
"Hey! What do you have in the bag?"
The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.
His friend says,
"Well, I'll make you a bet.
If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The man says,
"I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag,
I'll give you both of them."
In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage.
People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.
註：power outage 電力中斷、停電；也可用 power failure。